I had a conversation at a family function over Thanksgiving. “I have total freedom,” the person said to me. “I get to wake up in the morning, every day, and do whatever I want. There’s nothing planned.” I contrasted that to my own life. I am not free – I hold myself to meditation and yoga before the day gets started, and then am obligated by patient appointments, meetings, and family. I pretty much never wake up in the morning and ask myself what I want to do today– I decided that already.
We all have different ideas about what it means to be free. Freedom might mean the ability to live without a schedule. For some people, freedom means not having obligations to anyone, or being able to go wherever you want. But the interesting thing is that whenever we are totally free from one thing, we are deeply tied to something else. Love and meaningful relationships require us to tie ourselves to showing up for people. Want total freedom from people depending on you? You tie yourself to being alone.
Want total freedom from a schedule? You can have it, but you are probably going to have to commit to a life without meaningful work or deep attachments, because meaningful work involves obligations and commitments. Having a free schedule ties us to other things.
Freedom comes with trade-offs. If we wake up each morning with nothing planned, we are unbound by external demands— yet, we may find ourselves tethered to indecision or the nagging question of how to fill our time in a way that feels purposeful. Being scheduled all day may feel suffocating and restrictive in certain ways, also leaving us free from questions about meaning, accomplishment, and doubt. Being diligent with my morning routine might seem less free and overly prescriptive, but it frees me from some anxiety and provides relief from an overactive mind. I tie myself to one thing in order to free myself from something else.
Ironically, freedom can emerge through the structure we impose on ourselves and the commitments we make. Choosing love means sacrificing a degree of independence. Choosing meaningful work means accepting deadlines and responsibility. Freedom to eat whatever we want may mean tying ourselves to poor health. In order to free ourselves from anything, we almost by definition must tie ourselves to something else. The question that arises then is this: What do we want to be tied to, and what do we want to be free from?
Being free to choose means being tied to the paradox of choice. Freedom to move up in the world means being tied to the possibility of falling down. The point is not that these freedoms should be avoided, just because they come with a cost. Instead, it’s to realize that to pursue freedom in one domain means accepting a loss of freedom in another. Because we get to make choices, we must choose carefully.
Often, the more we discipline ourselves in one domain, the more freedom we gain in another. A strict morning routine may feel like confinement or a burden, but it can liberate us from the chaos of procrastination or the aimlessness of an unstructured day. Dedicating ourselves to a career or craft might limit our time for leisure, yet it can free us from the insecurity of not knowing our purpose. Tying ourselves to healthy behaviors frees us from a host of physical maladies. Discipline is often viewed as confining, as imposing limits, but often discipline is not the enemy of freedom it is its greatest ally. By consciously choosing our commitments, we carve out the space to thrive in areas that matter most to us. Confining ourselves in one area liberates us in another.
This is why it’s so important to be thoughtful about the ways we want to be free and the ways we choose to be bound. Without being thoughtful about our values and priorities, we risk pursuing freedom in ways that are not freeing, and at the same time tying ourselves to things that do not serve us. We might chase financial freedom and end up tethered to a relentless work schedule. We might seek freedom from responsibility, only to feel trapped by loneliness or lack of meaning.
What do we want to be free from? And what do we tie ourselves to in the pursuit of that freedom?
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