Our culture and society can often feel obsessed with finding happiness. We are told to cultivate joy, and just be happy. We spend time making ourselves look a certain way in order to be happy. We spend money on experiences that will make us happy. We buy things in order to be happy. The messaging is about chasing happiness, about finding it outside of ourselves. Usually, these strategies do not bring us the joy we were seeking, so we keep on searching.
But what if happiness is something that we can internally develop and cultivate, rather than something that we externally find? Perhaps the journey to joy is a journey inward, rather than a journey outward. Perhaps joy is something that we can produce for ourselves rather than purchase.
Here’s an exercise: Pause for a moment. Take a deep breath, and let it out. Then another: deep breath, pause, slowly exhale. Right now as you read this– try to connect with joy. Breathing in, I make my mind happy. Breathing out, I make my mind happy. We gladden the mind by allowing good seeds to manifest. The landscape of the mind becomes pleasant. We find the joy inside ourselves, and dwell in that space. Breathing in, I make my mind happy. Breathing out, I make my mind happy.
Did you do it? Or did you find this exercise silly, borderline ridiculous? Did you tell yourself you don’t have time? Perhaps not in the mood? Maybe the whole conceit just strikes you as dumb? A waste of time perhaps? Something that might work for others, but not for me? Check, check and check.
What is interesting is that regardless of the given reason, we find a rationale to not do the exercise. We dodge around it. We come up with excuses to not touch the happiness that is inside of us, always available. I’m having a bad day. I don’t like these kinds of exercises. Our creativity is limitless– and yet at the end of that road, we have still chosen not to breathe in, and make my mind happy.
But if we will not connect with the happiness within us, what hope do we have of actually finding joy in our lives? The snarky comments we make about silly exercises perhaps reveal much deeper truths. Perhaps we make excuses because we do not actually feel we are worthy of happiness. Or perhaps we feel that our happiness is somehow unfair. Maybe feeling happy feels disloyal, or maybe our identity and worldview is dependent on being unhappy. Perhaps we are actually uncomfortable with the idea of our own happiness. Maybe, when we try and generate happiness, we cannot, and so are left feeling worse.
Generating joy and happiness in our minds a skill, one that can be cultivated and refined with deliberate practice. Much like any other skill, the ability to foster positive emotions isn’t an innate trait but rather something we can develop through conscious effort and repetition– like learning to ride a bike or play an instrument. The more we practice this skill, the easier it will become, the more second nature. If we want to be happy, we must practice happiness.
Doc